It seems that every time I find myself standing in line at a customer service desk with my four kids in tow, I am asked by another parent how I managed to teach them to be so patient. At restaurants, our waitresses seldom neglect to comment on how refreshing it is to see children order their meals so politely. When one of my boys holds the door or gives up his seat for an unsuspecting lady, she inevidably looks shocked by the gesture and then proceeds to compliment the young gentleman. Therefore, it is my experiential opinion that in the matter of manners, they do matter!
Please understand that I am not by any means patting myself on the back when it comes to teaching my children manners. As a matter of fact, I am just as pleased as the next person that they turned out to be so polite! As much as I would like to take full credit for this small victory in parenting, I suppose I do need to give at least half of the credit to my children, who gave up many a treat before finally choosing to adopt "please" and "thank you" into their daily vocabularies. Way to go, guys! (And, if you happen to find that my children are not near as polite in my absence, please don't tell me. I rather enjoy this fairytale I've been living in!)
Many friends and strangers have asked me to reveal my secret when it comes to training my children to be polite. I consider it a priviledge to share with them what I have learned in the past few years, but I have never considered it a secret. We, as parents, need to stick together and glean as much as we can from one another. After all, one day I may be pleading with you to teach me how to keep up with my teenager's social networking!
In today's edition we will focus on how to teach your children to be polite by consistently using the magic words, "please" and "thank you". Here are some things to consider as you introduce these words into your child's daily vocabulary:
1. Begin by modeling "please" and "thank you" even before your child can say a word. As they begin learning to speak, they will copy you and naturally learn to say "please" and "thank you" at the appropriate times. If this does not happen naturally, then teach them by simply saying "please" when they want something and "thank you" when they have received something they want. This early training will go a long way.
2. Teach older children to express their desires in a sentence that begins with "May I please.........?". Remember, the best way to teach is to model the behavior you are seeking, so become accustomed to using this verbage as well.
3. Reward them when they ask for something in the above manner by giving them what they have asked for if at all possible. Do NOT give them what they are asking for if they are whiny, exhibit poor attitude while asking or neglect to say "May I please.......?". This may be difficult for you at first, but it will pay off in the end!
4. If they have asked appropriately but it is not possible to give them what they are asking for, then offer a possible alternate solution that they may also enjoy or tell them when it will be possible. If they throw a fit when they don't get their way, then their attitude wasn't good to begin with and they should not be rewarded.
5. Even children with good manners should not EXPECT to receive something. Sometimes it's just not possible or beneficial. Instead, they need to learn that anything they recieve is a blessing that should never be taken for granted. This is where feelings of entitlement begin and they need to be nipped in the bud!
More to come........
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